If you've ever asked your child, 'How was school today?' you've probably heard the same answer most parents get.
'Fine.'
Conversation over.
It isn't that children don't have anything to say. Most of the time, we've simply asked a question that invites a one-word answer.
The good news is that communication isn't a talent children are born with. It's a skill they practise. Just as children become better readers by reading, they become better communicators by having meaningful conversations.
Ask Questions That Invite Stories
Closed questions produce closed answers.
Instead of asking:
• ‘Did you have a good day?’
• ‘Did you learn anything?’
• ‘Was school okay?’
Try asking:
• ‘What made you smile today?’
• ‘What surprised you today?’
• ‘Tell me about the funniest thing that happened.’
• ‘Who made you think today?’
Your Job Isn't to Interview—It's to Be Curious
One of the biggest mistakes adults make is accidentally ending the conversation too soon. Imagine your child says, 'We did a science experiment today.' Many parents respond with, 'That's nice.' Conversation finished.
Instead, become genuinely curious.
Try responses like:
• ‘That’s interesting… tell me more.’
• ‘What happened next?’
• ‘Why do you think that happened?’
• ‘How did that make you feel?’
• ‘If you could do it again, what would you change?’
Notice that none of those responses judge, correct or interrupt. They simply invite your child to keep thinking. Over time, children learn that talking with you is enjoyable because they feel heard, not evaluated.
Silence Isn't the Enemy
Adults often rush to fill quiet moments. Resist that urge.
After asking a thoughtful question, wait.
Five seconds of silence can feel like forever, but it often gives children enough time to organize their thoughts. Many of the best conversations begin after that pause.
A Simple Habit That Changes Everything
Choose one meal each day where everyone shares:
• One thing they enjoyed.
• One challenge they faced.
• One thing they learned.
Parents should answer first. When children hear adults reflecting openly, they become more comfortable doing the same.
